Column

Cats and Dogs in 500 Square Feet

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I recently welcomed a puppy into my life. A roly-poly tricolor Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, with russet eyebrows that tilt with cartoonish expression and a penchant for belly rubs. I named him “Bobby Baby” after the Sondheim musical Company, because company is what I needed most.

Especially after I’d lost my beloved dog Pip. I didn’t know if I’d ever feel ready to get another dog, until I heard about this puppy born on the one-year anniversary of Pip’s passing.

I felt like he was heaven-sent.

My eighteen-year-old cat Mimi disagrees.

I thought hard about inflicting a puppy’s chaotic energy on Mimi’s golden years. But Mimi is aging like the feline Demi Moore.

Classic Column: Love Bites

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Mosquitos love me.

I’ve always believed I get an inordinate number of mosquito bites, but I never said it out loud.  Everyone feels this way.  Brandish a bottle of OFF! at any summer barbeque, and five people will proclaim that mosquitos love them with equal parts self-pity and pride.  It’s almost a humble-brag, as if mosquitos are real aesthetes, the blood-sucking playboys of the insect world.

The subtext is: “There’s just something about my exposed skin that attracts all species, whatta hassle!”

Then I recently came across an article explaining mosquitos actually do have a “type:” they’re most attracted to humans with the blood type O.

My blood type.

I wasn’t imagining it, it wasn’t some messed up version of vanity, it was science!

Upgrading the Macaroni Necklace

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When it comes to giving a gift to your mother, kids get a pass for a long time.  But when your mother has a milestone birthday like sixty, a macaroni necklace will not do.

It was time for me to get my mother a grown-up gift.

This is not to say that I haven’t gotten her nice things in the past, but this year I wanted it to be really special.  Maybe because I know that my mom is single, I wanted to get her a gift as nice as a husband would get. 

Not one of her husbands—a really good husband.

I got in my head that it had to be jewelry.

Column Classic – Mommy’s Day Out

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The last time my mom came to visit, I lost her.

It was like that movie Baby’s Day Out, except with my parent.  I turned my back for one second, and the little rascal got away from me. 

I imagined her crawling along an I-beam at some high-rise construction site. 

But she’s afraid of heights, so more likely she’d be in Times Square, telling The Naked Cowboy he isn’t dressed warmly enough.

Column Classic – Sniff Test

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My passion for perfume started long before it became the inspiration for my new novel FULL BLOOM, out August 5th and available for preorder now! Consider this Classic Column “Sniff Test” a certificate of authenticity for my fragrance obsession. Maybe some of you can relate…or I hope it makes you laugh!

Column Classic: City Slicker 3: The Legend of Bandana Napkin

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They say you don’t really know a person until you travel together, but is that true if the person is your mother? 

I asked myself this on our recent trip to Arizona, our first mother-daughter vacation in almost ten years.  We had an amazing time and got along great, but I noticed some new quirks, beginning as soon as our first flight. 

“Can you open the window?” she asked.

“Sure.”  I slid the shade up and squinted into the light.  “Wow, you can see—”

“Nm-mm,” my mother grunted, and I noticed she was shielding her eyes.

“Sorry, too bright?”

“No, I don’t want to see how high we are, it scares me.”

Now I squinted at her.  “You asked me to open it.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to see!”

Pose

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By Francesca Serritella As many of you know, for the last ten years I’ve been working on a novel. I’ve done many drafts and much growing up during that time, and at long last, my book is being published by Random House this May 5th. I should avoid cliché, but I can’t say it better, … Read more

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